so what’s next? I guess everything is too unorganized at least my head is
and also my life.
I live on a society where if you don’t sell drugs or sell yoursell sex server (nothing against it). you have no money. There is also another ways to make money of course you need a college degree. how the fuck am I going to afford a college degree? well go back to drugs and sex.
I also wanted to go college and I apply for it . First university told me your request for this institution has been denied. Ok I Deal with it Imma try next year. Find out what else I can do in the meantime. besides than drugs and sex server. trying to start a clothing line cause I was actually waiting for a termination bonus that I was going received since I could not work anymore because I had a stroke at my job. Due to so much stress. I was costumer care representative on a foreing country where my spanish was really bad even though spanish was one of my first languages. you should see how many slangs people have over there. I was on Hermosillo sonora. But I grew up on Arizona still miss it so much. I was paying for house services when I never had before. l was paying every single one of them. was keeping my brothers cause my mom has no job since she’s still fighting cancer. And she does’t want to go nowhere else even though she has no family over there.and also since my dream has always been being a singer ( I still want to ) I had a band back then. we were 3 the name of the band was “easy times” three lead vocals all the music lyrics etc made by ourselves. we were really close. I thought they were my best friends so the few free time that I had I spent it with them. Cause the other half of the time I was at hospital spending the night with my mom. so I said lets do it profesionally and started to contact people there. I found the right people to work with. but what happened? one of them meet a girl so he stopped showing up for rehearsals. the other guy was his cousin who was at first was in love with me. But I said no. Cause mixing bussines with feelings never works. (also there was a language bareer he always hated me for strugglin with spanish) so he said ok then lets be best friends. wich included not letting me wear my favorite clothes. cause he said ohh you look like a slut so don’t use it. I was feeling kind of asshamed so I just took them off. he introduced me to other of his friends they are really cool. one of them is a model his name is Tony. The other one is a drummer his name is Sebastian (wich I wanted so bad being a member of the band ). when I first meet them I was so exicited that I meet them cause finally someone was speaking english with me and was not bussines related just bros conversations (sebastian used to live on AZ and Tony I don’t where learn it but he is great ). when I was talking to them he was all mad and usually end up in a fight, after talking really really bad of his friend tony. he was telling me that I was flirting with tony. and so many other things, I was listening cause I used to think ok he is my best friend there should be a reason so I stopped talking to this guy for some time. He is good looking but not my type I’m only 5’4 he is like 6 ft. My friend usually used to say that we were very similar and I pretended to be offended because If I acted a little like YEEIHH drama here you come again. one day I was so stressed literally crying cause I had no money for me seriously I have five super hero shirts and I love them but have no shoes only my pants and boots. One day he was getting this anonymous questions hate questions. and he was questioning our friendship he wanted me to said that I love him and that we are best friends when I did probably have shown that for over a year. by being there almost everytime he needed even though if it was eating pizza or telling me how his friend sebastian was not the right one for our band cause they were really different. (even though that the only reason is that he wanted to be a sort of one direction, Austin mahone and Justin biber).
I was like we have to be different show something different to the world
trying to convice him I was the one in charge of lyrics. and He is really good doing music there is no doubt. Managers from LA and from UK contacted me because they were interested in me. then I said I have a band and introduce them even though we were already missing one member ( so yes the band was a big deal ). When I had a stroke he did not even believe me he told me ooh you probaly ate something and that was the reason you were feeling like that. Even though he took me to the hospital seeing my situation. I also could not go with my neighbor Jenny to get some coffee cause I was rathering her over him. when I got my results from the hospital. They told me I can not be under stressfull situations also can not excersied (wich is a kick on my ass cause I love skating). So I was having a break at home for a few days. No phone. No social networks nothing. one of my friends that I did not actually had seen in a long time cause my “best friend” told me not to talk to him cause they don’t like each other and that would be an issue on the future (rafa had nothing against my best friend he only did not understood how could a punk person wants to be like 1D ). So yes my neighbor Jenny came and took me to get some tea. I took One picture with her upload it on instagram OMG I remember that he was so mad like that time when we were in the bus and he started crying because he was questing our friendship again. I was like please don’t cry there is people watching me they are going to think I’m making you cry. when I should be the one crying. My sister told me several times to end up that friendship cause they were noticing a lacking of my existence when he was around. I was so shy I did not trust myself and I still don’t. I guess spending a year like that Is enough to get use to it. When we sttoped seeing each other the first thing I found out Is that he was already on a singing contest. he is good I would not be sourprised if he wins actually wish him the best.(probably their friends are not talking to me anymore even they are really cool they are like brothers and I respect that ). I have been on a singing contest too I did not win but one of the judges gave me his card and asked me to call him and asked me to record a song with him. I deny it cause I had a band. So right now he is happily living his dream. probably that’s what he should do on the first place and he never needed a band wich is good he is younger than me so he can take that chance. I am 22 now, No opportunities cause the ones that I had I reject them, I have no job I live with my father since my mom is back home there is no space at her house for me anymore. Even when my mom had no money she gave me money for school, somehow I feel relief that I did not spent that money. she wants me to do it right she supports me on everything that I do. If it is singing ok get up and sing. If I want to go to school let see what I can do. she is the best. Now I seriously don’t know what to do with my life have not a sustaitable job. the one that I had was the best that you can get here withouth being a drug dealer or sex server. No I am not even going to school. I literally suck I should have a degree on ruinning my own life. I actually erased my youtube covers they used to have a great amount of views but who cares now. I earn it. probably I deserve it. and He also deserves being big on the music bussines. I once promised never sing again If it was not with them and he did that promise too. Nothing last forever so I promise myself stop making promises to other people the only promise that I have is the promise of right now and right now I have nothing. I am no one it is only me Scoth. Cherry Scoth.